One thing I enjoy about blogging is seeing what search engine terms brought people to my website. These search terms are given on my ’stats’ page, a page that I think I’m going to wear out any day now from refreshing so often. I’m addicted, and not even for egotistical reasons. It’s that… well… alright, it is for egotistical reasons. Don’t act like you don’t do it, too.
Anyway, given the breadth of subjects I’ve already talked about within just the last two months of blogging, I’ve got some good ones. Search terms, I mean.
“chickens copulating”
This has led people to my blog so many times that it’s really causing me to question the mental health of people world-wide. What sorts of demented chicken-loving people are out there, reading, nay, luridly enjoying my blog?! I’m also considering making this a keyword term when I submit my blog to various blogging-community websites. Oh, yes, I’m a whore for attention. And for other stuff, too!
“holy anteater of santa anita!”
Ah, yes. Futurama. The tawdry older sister of The Simpsons. Yes, I watch cartoons. I am a child at heart. Also, I’m a child in the fact that I have trouble growing a mustache. But more on that later.
There are some people who are obviously searching for answers to questions and, in that regard, I’ve been of very little help to them. I’d like to take the opportunity to help these people out, in the off chance that they try searching again, and find me, again.
Here’s a good one: “Can one cigarette kill my unborn baby?”
What you should really be asking yourself is: How would the baby even keep the cigarette adequately lit all the way through, what with all the amniotic fluid and lack of oxygen? And that’s not even saying anything about the dangers of trying to light said cigarette so close to the… err… womanly… plumbing.
Here’s another: “Why does she haunt my dreams?”
Wow. You’ve got some serious issues to work out, my friend. Whether or not this is someone you horribly wronged or perhaps someone you blew an opportunity with, you’ve GOT to see a professional. Let me know if she does something rude or funny while she’s in your dreams, though. That’s more my area of expertise.
“dreams where you get dragged into the dark”
Well, now, this is getting a little disturbing, no? Lets move on…
“where is the word ‘whiskey’ derived from?”
Ha! I actually DID help this person! Well, good on me, I guess. Let it never be said I’ve never helped anyone. Not that anyone says that now. Not to my face anyway.
“why doesn’t hair grow in the middle of…?”
Now, here’s a question that haunts MY dreams. This person’s search phrase was cut off by WordPress’s character limit. Probably for the best.
But it begs the question: ‘In the middle of’ what? Les Miserables? A gusty day? The cheese-making process? An AC/DC concert? Sex? Probably an area of the body, but where? I think perhaps we should be thankful hair does not grow… wherever it is you’re talking about.
Oh, wait just a tic. It’s probably: “Why doesn’t hair grow in the middle of my UPPER LIP?” Which segues nicely into the next question…
“what can I do to help grow my mustache?”
Sorry, my friend, I can be of no help here. If you find out though, let me know, why don’t you?
As a comfort I offer you this bit of information: there are many women out there who hate mustaches. I know, I know, as much as us guys view the mustache as being the ultimate pinnacle of manliness, many women don’t feel the same way. So, admire it on other men, my friend, just as I do, but be content with your current state. Be content with being, well… less than a complete man, frankly. Let’s not kid ourselves, eh? Let’s just face the fact that you and I are just a few small evolutionary steps away from being some sort of sexless, hairless amphibian. Damn you, fates!
Seriously, though, let me know if you find something that works, alright?
There are quite a few search engine terms that pop up that I’m vaguely interested in researching myself. Things that I think everyone should search once in their lives. Namely, search terms with the word ’sexy’ in them.
“sexy french female voice” — Now we’re talking. I’m the first result to pop up, followed closely by Alizee, a french singer. Or a prostitute who also sings, I’m not quite sure after the video I just watched. Have these women no standards? No sense of taste? Onto the next search term…
“sexy women sword fight” — Holy anteater of Santa Anita! Gleaming whirling blades and scantily clad women. Hmm. Seems more dangerous than sexy, though. I certainly wouldn’t want to get close to them…
It begs that question, what sort of strange cross-section of humanity is visiting my blog? Who are you, stranger? Leave a comment and let me know.
Tags: futurama, google, manliness, mustache, search engine, sexy women sword fighting
Im looking for a sexy woman’s name that means something dangerous for my new 1979 280zx, got any ideas?
How about “Chiyome”? It fits with the Japanese car and it was the name of a famous Japanese woman who founded the first kunoichi (clan of female ninjas).
I’ve also found women named “Beth” somewhat intimidating. Long story.
As for me there are a lot of means to have a relax. My favourite one is to spend time with escort girls. Actually, escort girls are some kind of legal prostitution. But these naughty models are much better than that. They are really sweet. This escort service is greatly in demand in London. Escorts in London is my favorite escort agency. I’ve never seen such busty girls as models from that escort. To tell the truth, I’m surprised how experienced these girls are.